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< L DykeWrite3 # >

2003-06-12 - 11:41 a.m.

Yesterday I had an experience, which I can only equate with what it must be like to bring your younger brother to a brothel and watch all the “ladies” fuss over him.

Wait! For the record, I didn’t bring my younger brother to a brothel yesterday and watch all the “ladies” fuss over him; I said it FELT like the EQUIVALENT to THAT. The bringing and the younger brother and the “laides” and the fussing.

So… as I was saying before I interrupted myself (I’m such a pain in my own ass) …Yesterday, I took my younger brother to THE HAIR SALON/PLACE WHERE I GET MY HAIR MAINTAINANCE/SITUATION for his first REAL, NON-BARBERSHOP, NOT-A-FRIEND-WITH-A-PAIR-OF-SCISSORS/CLIPPERS/FLOWBEE-- HAIR CUT/STYLE.

(I’ll pause while you decide if this was OVERBEARING of me or SWEET of me.)

Time elapsed: 90 seconds.

Here’s the thing, this NEUROTIC/OVERBEARING/LESBIAN SISTER-MOTHER has always reallyreally “mothered” the youngest 2 of our family/group/clan/litter. My boys. I posted their picture a while back, and I’ll repost it now:

(I’ll pause while you get all “ohhhhh, how cute” and everything)

Of course, this was taken in 1983, and the younger of the two, the lucky recipient of yesterday’s HAIR SALON/BROTHEL experience is now 23 in BIG-BOY YEARS. He’s THE CUTEST, SWEETEST, DEEPEST 23 year old that walks the earth today. Seriously, I’ve done research. He’s the guy. And, for the last few years, his cute short-cropped hair cut has been perfect to go under a “deep-thinking-guys-BEANIE”, or a “deep-thinking-guys HOODED SWEATSHIRT” or anything else that a “deep-thinking-guy” might use to further imply his “I’m the cutest, sweetest, deepest 23-year old that walks the earth today” status. It worked and he was KEEPIN’ IT REAL.

So now, he’s having all this SUCCESS with his career, everyone wants a piece of his “young fresh designers ASS”, and I thought it would be good for him to have a GROWN UP HAIR CUT. So sue me.

(I’ll pause again while you change your previous decision from SWEET to OVERBEARING, definitely OVERBEARING).

And, by the way, how damn cute is he that yesterday he told me how much he LOVED My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/ and that he hoped we’d be together FOREVER. Again, the sweetest.

So, I convinced him a week or so ago that as a “I’m so proud of how kick-ass you’re doing in your career” gift I want to get him his first NON-BARBERSHOP, NOT-A-FRIEND-WITH-A-PAIR-OF-SCISSORS/CLIPPERS/FLOWBEE-- HAIR CUT/STYLE… and he agreed to it. And yesterday was that day.

We met in the parking lot, he with the stereo blasting away tunes from one of his “deep thinking/emo-ish” groups and me listening to one of my famous/reallyfamous MIX CD’s running the gamut from Ben Harper singing an unplugged cover of “Sexual Healing” to Reba McIntyre belting out that country favorite “Fancy”. That’s right, this particular mix CD was all Sex and Hookers and Crime. A little bit of “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” mixed with “That’s the night that the lights went out in Georgia” with the theme song to the Pink Panther. Ahhhhhhhhh, good times.

So, yes--- we met in the parking lot and entered THE SALON together. The first thing my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN notices are all the “hot chicks” (okay, even though he’s evolved, he’s still a guy) and realizes that maybe this experience won’t be ALL TORTURE.

The first HOT CHICK we encounter, the receptionist, welcomes us, hands us each a “black robe” to change into, and grows a bit FLUSH as she hands the robe to my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN. He flushes too, in turn, and suddenly it’s a FLUSH-FEST.

We put our robes on and wait for GLO (not her real name), my late 20’s/early 30’s HAIR GIRL/LADY/PERSON. GLO, Who my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN also apparently thought was HOT usually runs a few minutes behind schedule, so this allowed my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN and myself to bond further as we sat in the reception area in our black robes surrounded by hundreds of hair products and the hustle and bustle of un-coifed/newly-coifed fellow customers coming and going.

GLO’s ASSISTANT (Hot(ish), but NOT AS HOT of a hot chick) greeted us and took us to the back where ALL THE ACTION takes place. Here we were treated to a dozen other hair girls/ladies/women, some of which were, apparently HOT, other’s not-so-much.

Suddenly, I looked over at my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN and had this feeling. The feeling that THIS would be what it would be like to take him to a BROTHEL and watch all the “ladies” fuss over him. One of the other “assistants” offered him a beverage; GLO came over and “mussed up” his hair a bit; GLO’s ASSISTANT brought him magazines to peruse. He was feeling NO PAIN.

Let me backtrack (as usual) and tell you that GUYS do come into the salon, but maybe they are a bit OLDER/MAINSTREAM or not as CUTE and SWEET and DEEP as my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN; Indeed, even one of the (stereotype warning!!) gay-ish, but very hip MALE HAIR CUTTER/STYLIST/FELLA’s looked over and gave a nod of the head with a “What’s up?” kind of motion. Yes, my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN was looking good to the SALON-FOLK.

GLO sat my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN and I in side-by-side hair cutting chairs and did her usual CONSULTATION with me where we discuss the “hair-strategies” and then she turned and did the CONSULTATION with my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN. I was PROUD of him for being SO GROWN UP (I know, I’m a pain in the ass, and he DRESSES HIMSELF, and FEEDS HIMSELF, and GOES TO WORK and KICKS ASS and HAS A BUSY SOCIAL LIFE and everything else….) and yet, I’m welling-up at the sight of my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN sitting side-by-side with his NEUROTIC/OVERBEARING/LESBIAN SISTER-MOTHER getting his first CONSULTATION for his first NON-BARBERSHOP, NOT-A-FRIEND-WITH-A-PAIR-OF-SCISSORS/CLIPPERS/FLOWBEE-- HAIR CUT/STYLE.

Hours passed, I had the newest version of my shoulder-length(ish) choppy/piecey/cute hair cut and was now sitting under a dryer (how cliché!) in my quest for the re-vitalizing of my dark brown color…So I sat under that dryer, observing GLO as she put the finishing touches on my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN’s new hair cut/style. She was giving him PRODUCT and INSTRUCTING him on its use. She ran her fingers through his hair (hey, hey…. Careful, easy…) and THAT was the MOMENT when my YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN’s trip to the salon with his NEUROTIC/OVERBEARING/LESBIAN SISTER-MOTHER became, IN MY HEAD, what it must be like (only not really) to take him to a BROTHEL and watch all the “ladies” fuss over him.

That moment, the fussing and extra-special attention of GLO, teamed with the earlier fussing of all the HOT and NOT AS HOT chicks, morphed into THE BROTHEL thing.

Only, and let’s get this straight for the record, this NEUROTIC/OVERBEARING/LESBIAN SISTER-MOTHER has never and would never take her YOUNGEST BROTHER/BOY-MAN to a brothel. She wouldn’t have to. Apparently, the whole “cutest, sweetest, deepest-thinking 23-year old that walks the earth today” thing works okay for him.

I don’t wanna know.

Wait, I do wanna know one thing: Does “Hook Up” mean the same thing now as it meant back-in-the-day?

Just wondering.

Oh… and, he looks EVEN CUTER (as if that was possible).

Xoxox.