2003-06-25 - 9:36 p.m.

No� I HAVEN�T installed a swanky new WEBCAM in my womb....it's just me... trying not to go all MENSTRUAL on y'all...

And yet, please....indulge me, briefly.

Why is it, that something that�s been HAPPENING TO ME for many, many (many�many) years (okay, not THAT many, but more than a few and less than a millennium) Why is it that THAT THING, the thing that�s been happening, I still can�t get used to. Why? Tell me? Someone? Please?

Is it the utter ridiculousness of it all?? The absolute �I can�t believe this happens to me every 28 days.... what a waste of paper...and uterus lining� kind of thing??

Yeah, maybe THAT�S it.

I was pondering THAT this morning as I tortured myself over the conflict of whether to RESCHEDULE MY TRAINER from this morning, when the �oy-vey-ing� was in full-swing, to tomorrow morning, when the �not-as-bad-ing� will be more in effect.

I pondered. I wring/wrang my hands. I sighed deeply. I didn�t want to SEND THE WRONG MESSAGE to my inner-chubby-child/inner-thinner-adult that I wasn�t willing to put out the effort. Oy. I�m such a pain in my own ass. Others asses also.

My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/easy-breezy menstruator/patience of an also-menstruating saint� leaned over in the bed and said�. "Lady, you better call and reschedule your trainer. End your conflict right here. Right now. Don�t make me get out the hose".(eh?)

So�.I called. I rescheduled. No hose (whatever).

So, anyway� stepping away from the HEAPING PILE OF YIKES that I just left for all y�all right up above these two lines, I�ll get to the point (well, in the usual way that I get to points, which is usually the long, winded, wordy, rambling way�) and give you an update of sorts (ish).

The girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/still-celebrating my birthday 8 days later and I took a quickie down to PALM SPRINGS last weekend to marvel in the sunshine, as it had been all about THE DOOM and THE JUNE and THE GLOOM of it here in LA�. Plus we had wanted to check out a cool little hotel that opened up a while back.

Usually when in PALM SPRINGS we are fortunate enough to always crash at one of the pads of our wonderful lady/ladies� but this time we went down there all stealth and my girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/travel agent got us the room at the place� and we scooted down and were there.

It was so biblical (or, actually, not even) , traveling out of the grey/overcast/gloomy skies of southern California and, as we made our way into the �Palm Springs Valley�, the heavens opened up and sprayed sunshine all over us. As if THE TABLETS, containing, you know, those commandments, were being presented to us, on that little stretch of highway on the way into PALM SPRINGS. Of course, they weren�t being presented to us, as we are not the MODERN DAY LESBIAN MOSES (although, not a bad idea) and� in retrospect, I�m making too big of a deal of it and should probably just say it went from cloudy to sunny. There. Cloudy to Sunny.

Done.

Sooooooooo�. Fantastic/Spectacular/Romantic(ish)/Hugely-Fun time was had by My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/super-wonderful chick and I. Yep.

-----------------------------------

Ohhhhhhhh, and NEXT ITEM:

if you�re following along--- The writing partner and I�

FINISHED THE SCRIPT. That�s right, you heard me. First Draft�done.

Yep.

(I�ll pause while you all go grab yourselves shot glasses and some good tequila.

Okay, shoot it.

Excellent. That�s what we did at 4:30pm on Monday.)

----------------------------------------------------

So, now that the script is finished (ish), I can get y�all caught up on

�Bill and Sue�.

Sorry to be so damn far into this entry and to JUST NOW be getting to BILL AND SUE. Of course WE are always thinking of them�. It�s so sad/hard/hard/sad.

So�the last update filled you in up to Sue�s proclamation about her attraction to Jacqueline Bisset, and our trip to THE GAY BOOKSTORE.

Later that evening, on the day of my trip with Sue to THE GAY BOOKSTORE, My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/dinner companion and I came home from dinner to an answering machine with 4 messages blinking.

MESSAGE ONE 5:15pm: Hi girls, It�s Bill� from across the street� I was just wondering� I came home a few minutes ago, and Sue wasn�t here� I wondered if you saw her at all today� you know, in the yard or anything. Please call me when you get this message.

BEEP.

MESSAGE TWO- 5:30 pm: Hi girls, It�s Bill again� listen, could you please call me. I�m worried about Sue. She�s been going through some THINGS and� well, even though� she�s always here when I get home from work. Please call me.

BEEP.

MESSAGE THREE-5:45 pm a gossipy(ish) phone call from a friend wanting to know if I�d heard about blah blah and blah blah�and all the blaaaaaaaah.

BEEP.

(sorry to throw you off track)

MESSAGE FOUR- 6:00 pm Sorry, It�s Bill again� I know you girls stay out pretty late sometimes, but please call me as soon as you get in� I�m really worried about Sue� I just found a note on her desk� anyway� please call no matter what time.

BEEP.

So, we breeze in around 8:30 and I hit the machine and hear Bill�s messages (and the wheels start turning about the other message, wondering WHAT the gossip about blah and blah could be about) and I feel terrible for what Bill has probably been going through in the past few hours (let alone in the weeks since Sue has had her realization/awakening/discovery..)

We decide that I will be the one to return Bill�s call, since I still have the �proverbial blood� on my hands from my trip earlier in the day to THE GAY BOOKSTORE with Sue.

I dial their number, listed under �Bill and Sue from across the street� in our little phone book� and Bill picks up on the first ring.

My heart sinks for Bill.

ME: Hi Bill, it�s ME from across the street. Is everything okay?

BILL: Oh, no� it�s not good. Sue left me this note, and she sounded so distraught, and I know that you know she�s been seeing a therapist for some personal reasons�. And now this note�. Listen, did you SEE Sue at all today?

ME: (gulp).

((plus, I don�t wanna NARC Sue out to Bill. She�s a grown woman and if she wants to go to THE GAY BOOKSTORE, then she should be able to. BUT, if she was gonna come back and then RUN AWAY FROM HOME, it would have been nice if she�d warned me� is all I�m saying)).

ME (continued): Well, yeah� Bill, I saw her today, and she seemed fine. Maybe she�s just gone to take a drive� something like that.

((oh, how I hope she�s just gone to take a drive.. or something like that)).

BILL: But this is so unlike her� this behavior. Oh, I don�t want to go into it, it�s private and personal.

((Note: Bill obviously has NO IDEA that WE KNOW EVERYTHING.))

ME: That�s okay, Bill. I understand.

((Also, please note: This is THE MOST that BILL has ever had to say about anything that WASN�T A CAT or A MINIATURE or SUE.))

BILL: Thanks. I just hope that Therapist hasn�t filled her head with any crazy ideas�

ME: Oh Bill, I wouldn�t think so.

BILL: okay then� I guess I�ll just wait up and see what happens. I�m not sure if she fed the cats or not. I hate to DOUBLE FEED them. Just in case.

ME: Well, Bill�. Maybe it wouldn�t hurt to feed them again, just in case.

BILL: Yeah, you�re right. Good idea.

ME: Bill, I�m sure everything will be okay.

((Note: okay, I�m not completely sure of it, but I want to help calm him down))

BILL: Thanks. Sorry for all the messages.

ME: It�s okay, Bill. Just try and stay calm.

BILL: Okay, maybe I�ll do a crossword puzzle.

ME: See, that�s a great idea.

BILL: Alright. Bye then.

ME: Goodnight.

So, now�. I�m conflicted for SUE, but also, ready to KICK HER ASS� as it wasn�t nice of her to just UP and LEAVE�. I know that she�s totally going through a bunch of stuff, but� come on�. Bill doesn�t know what to do with himself�.

CUT TO:

The next day�I don�t see SUE or BILL.

I�ll admit it�I was worried.

FOLLOWING DAY:

Sue pulls up their long driveway�I�m outside getting the mail---

Sue waves, parks in her garage and comes walking down the driveway to cross the street and talk with me. I meet her in the middle.

ME: Sue, we were worried about you�. Bill called�

SUE: I�m sorry about that. I started reading a book from THE GAY BOOKSTORE�.

(note: oh no! blood on my hands, blood on my hands!)

SUE (continued): and I just felt so depressed about wasting so much of my life living a lie� and wondered if it was too late for me to ever find love again� but this time in the arms of a woman�

(note: I�m sad for sue, but poor bill� he didn�t know if he should feed the cats or do a crossword puzzle�.)

SUE (continued) �. So I left Bill a note� and I went and checked into a hotel and ran a bath and read my books.

(oh, it�s all so sad and tragic and� with so much more sadness and tragedy to follow, I�m afraid).

ME: Well, Sue�. I�m glad you�re okay. You know that we�re here for you� I was worried about Bill, too.

SUE: He�s fine. He just doesn�t know what to do with himself, but he�s going to have to figure that out.

She apologized again, and we said goodbye and I came back to our house� came inside� and cried like a baby� for the both of them.

The next day, when I was at RALPHS, getting groceries, I picked up one of those JUMBO CROSSWORD PUZZLE BOOKS, just in case, for next time, for Bill.