2003-07-15 - 11:48 a.m.

This is a completely different kind of entry.

This is an entry that comes from deeeeep within my SAD CLOWN interior.

This is an entry written on 3 hours sleep.

This is an entry written after a night of tossing and turning and lying awake.

This is an entry that is full of pain and grief for a VERY CLOSE FRIEND who�s girlfriend just (her words) �DUMPED HER�. She FELL OUTTA LOVE. Met someone else. Poof.

Women. Some women. Some women suck.

Yes, that�s right� it�s just as hard/sad and sad/hard on THE LESBIAN SIDE OF THE FENCE.

No one saw this break-up coming. When our friend met and coupled with THE (now) HOMEWRECKER, we welcomed her into our posse as if she were one of our own.

These ladies have been together 2 years (which in the LESBIAN WORLD is like 10 years)� and had a totally romantic/whirlwind courtship and subsequent move-across-country (non-internet related) and set-up household, intermingled their pets and we thought had settled in for the LONG HAUL.

My friend, THE ONE WHO WAS DUMPED, was from LA and her �why didn�t we see it coming�/ �obviously flawed�/ �insensitive doesn�t begin to describe it� NOW FORMER GIRLFRIEND/HOMEWRECKER moved from NYC to be with her. Their previously described �whirlwind courtship� was absolutely WHIRLWIND-ED by the NYC GIRL, who pushed the pace, was saying I LOVE YOU long before the paint had even been applied, let alone had a chance to dry, and really knocked our former VERY LEVEL HEADED/ALWAYS THINK THINGS THROUGH/NEVER RUSH INTO ANYTHING friends SOCKS OFF.

I�m working through my anger. Bear/Bare with me.

My friend, THE ONE WHO WAS DUMPED, is such a MOTHER-F�N GOOD EGG.

She�s good people. She�s a catch! She�s amazing. This is NOT someone who should get dumped. Wrong! Her Bad!!

However, THIS was her first SERIOUS, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP� and�. Damn it all to hell�. I�m all busted up that it ended� and ended this way.

I�m angry. I want revenge.

I want the FORMER NYC GIRLFRIEND/HOMEWRECKER blacklisted. I want her to experience horrific menstrual cramps for the rest of her days. I want her to gain weight for no reason at all. I want anything that she owns that has a warranty that has recently expired, to break. I want her to become a victim of ADULT ONSET ACNE. I want any expensive dental work she�s had to fall out. I want the NEW PERSON SHE�S �MET� to dump her�I want� well, �perhaps she�ll develop a hacking cough.

I�m angry. I want to TAKE AWAY my DEAR, sweet, FUNNY, loveable friends PAIN.

I want her to be COMFORTED by the LOVE of her FRIENDS. I want her to NOT beat herself up and wonder how SHE could have changed to make it all better. I want her to realize that this is NOT her fault. I want her to remember how FUCKIN� FANTASTIC she is. I want her to come out the other side of this HEALTHIER and STILL OPEN TO LOVE. I want to COVER HER HEART WITH PLASTIC the way OLD JEWISH WOMEN do to couches. I want this to be an EASY TRANSITION, but I know it won�t be.

The additionally hard thing is�. Our little group has been going through ANOTHER BREAKUP, of a different, but equally HEARTBREAKING scenario, involving 2 AMAZING WOMEN� who got �OFF TRACK� and who hopefully will be able to salvage AN AMAZING AND STRONG UNION, A PERFECT FIT� and we�ve all been crying and talking and packing boxes and moving things for THAT COUPLE� and now this.

I didn�t get a memo that this was HEARTBREAK IN LESBIAN LAND Season. Maybe it was lost in the mail.

My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/ and I recently celebrated our�prepare yourselves, 11th (that�s right, I said ELEVENTH) Anniversary� and we really do know how DAMN, UTTERLY FORTUNATE AND BLESSED we are to have achieved this� (and have other close, closest friends who�ve gotten this far, too), but with the 2 recent BREAK-UPS� it�s just so hard/sad�. Sad/hard.

Last night, after hearing the news and surrounding our friend with LOVE for a few hours, we came home and tossed and turned and tossed some more� all night.

IT�S THE SAME ON THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE, the intense love� and the intense heartbreak� we just get the added bonus of NOT having to get a divorce, because we can�t get married.

Sorry about todays tone� kids. Sometimes the funny just isn�t there. I hope to return with chuckles and laughs and good times in the very near future.

Be good to yourselves. oxoxoxo.