••LAST 5 ENTRIES••

Cut, cut. - 2007-02-09

No, really... how are YOU? - 2006-10-23

And now, finally: something (ish) - 2006-07-27

What Happened to March and April, eh??? - 2006-04-25

Well hello there, February. - 2006-02-16

previous - next

 



< L DykeWrite3 # >

2003-07-15 - 11:48 a.m.

This is a completely different kind of entry.

This is an entry that comes from deeeeep within my SAD CLOWN interior.

This is an entry written on 3 hours sleep.

This is an entry written after a night of tossing and turning and lying awake.

This is an entry that is full of pain and grief for a VERY CLOSE FRIEND who’s girlfriend just (her words) “DUMPED HER”. She FELL OUTTA LOVE. Met someone else. Poof.

Women. Some women. Some women suck.

Yes, that’s right… it’s just as hard/sad and sad/hard on THE LESBIAN SIDE OF THE FENCE.

No one saw this break-up coming. When our friend met and coupled with THE (now) HOMEWRECKER, we welcomed her into our posse as if she were one of our own.

These ladies have been together 2 years (which in the LESBIAN WORLD is like 10 years)… and had a totally romantic/whirlwind courtship and subsequent move-across-country (non-internet related) and set-up household, intermingled their pets and we thought had settled in for the LONG HAUL.

My friend, THE ONE WHO WAS DUMPED, was from LA and her “why didn’t we see it coming”/ “obviously flawed”/ “insensitive doesn’t begin to describe it” NOW FORMER GIRLFRIEND/HOMEWRECKER moved from NYC to be with her. Their previously described “whirlwind courtship” was absolutely WHIRLWIND-ED by the NYC GIRL, who pushed the pace, was saying I LOVE YOU long before the paint had even been applied, let alone had a chance to dry, and really knocked our former VERY LEVEL HEADED/ALWAYS THINK THINGS THROUGH/NEVER RUSH INTO ANYTHING friends SOCKS OFF.

I’m working through my anger. Bear/Bare with me.

My friend, THE ONE WHO WAS DUMPED, is such a MOTHER-F’N GOOD EGG.

She’s good people. She’s a catch! She’s amazing. This is NOT someone who should get dumped. Wrong! Her Bad!!

However, THIS was her first SERIOUS, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP… and…. Damn it all to hell…. I’m all busted up that it ended… and ended this way.

I’m angry. I want revenge.

I want the FORMER NYC GIRLFRIEND/HOMEWRECKER blacklisted. I want her to experience horrific menstrual cramps for the rest of her days. I want her to gain weight for no reason at all. I want anything that she owns that has a warranty that has recently expired, to break. I want her to become a victim of ADULT ONSET ACNE. I want any expensive dental work she’s had to fall out. I want the NEW PERSON SHE’S “MET” to dump her…I want… well, …perhaps she’ll develop a hacking cough.

I’m angry. I want to TAKE AWAY my DEAR, sweet, FUNNY, loveable friends PAIN.

I want her to be COMFORTED by the LOVE of her FRIENDS. I want her to NOT beat herself up and wonder how SHE could have changed to make it all better. I want her to realize that this is NOT her fault. I want her to remember how FUCKIN’ FANTASTIC she is. I want her to come out the other side of this HEALTHIER and STILL OPEN TO LOVE. I want to COVER HER HEART WITH PLASTIC the way OLD JEWISH WOMEN do to couches. I want this to be an EASY TRANSITION, but I know it won’t be.

The additionally hard thing is…. Our little group has been going through ANOTHER BREAKUP, of a different, but equally HEARTBREAKING scenario, involving 2 AMAZING WOMEN… who got “OFF TRACK” and who hopefully will be able to salvage AN AMAZING AND STRONG UNION, A PERFECT FIT… and we’ve all been crying and talking and packing boxes and moving things for THAT COUPLE… and now this.

I didn’t get a memo that this was HEARTBREAK IN LESBIAN LAND Season. Maybe it was lost in the mail.

My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/ and I recently celebrated our…prepare yourselves, 11th (that’s right, I said ELEVENTH) Anniversary… and we really do know how DAMN, UTTERLY FORTUNATE AND BLESSED we are to have achieved this… (and have other close, closest friends who’ve gotten this far, too), but with the 2 recent BREAK-UPS… it’s just so hard/sad…. Sad/hard.

Last night, after hearing the news and surrounding our friend with LOVE for a few hours, we came home and tossed and turned and tossed some more… all night.

IT’S THE SAME ON THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE, the intense love… and the intense heartbreak… we just get the added bonus of NOT having to get a divorce, because we can’t get married.

Sorry about todays tone… kids. Sometimes the funny just isn’t there. I hope to return with chuckles and laughs and good times in the very near future.

Be good to yourselves. oxoxoxo.