2003-08-04 - 7:55 a.m.

Crazy in the head today. Wiped out and crazy in the head.

I should probably tell My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/amazing- listener-if-I�d-only-talk�. That Sometimes I feel like a Sea Monkey.

Sort of like this: I�m just ONE of many SEA MONKEY�S sitting in that plastic container� WAITING FOR SOMEONE/SOMETHING to ADD WATER. Activate me.

In addition to a Sea Monkey, I�ve occasionally felt like an OFF BRAND VERSION of KOOL-AID,

with the �cartoon-character glass pitcher� on the packet, but this �cartoon-character glass pitcher� wears a gap-toothed frown. Again, just me�WAITING FOR SOMEONE/SOMETHING to ADD THE WATER. Help me find my flav-a.

And in a further reaching comparison, I�ve felt, occasionally like a �CUP-A-NOODLES�� that styrofoam-meal-in-a-cup, encased in plastic�. Just noodles and powdered sodium� WAITING FOR SOMEONE/SOMETHING to ADD THE WATER. Let me be the soup.

God forbid I�d go so far as to feel like a package of TOP RAMEN, because that requires: opening my package, breaking me in half inside a pot, ADDING WATER, bringing me to a boil, and then adding my packet of flavored sodium, then letting me sit in my own juices for a bit. Now that� that�s definitely too much work for someone/anyone� to get me.

I guess yet another version of that same �sometimes I feel like�� is that sometimes I feel like a frozen dinner�you know, a LEAN CUISINE or something�

and I worry that nobody will ever warm me up�.and I�ll never become what I was intended to be. I feel pitiful, and a strong kinship to the frozen meal, in that sometimes I feel like I�m just lying there, in my plastic serving tray, and my contents are separated into compartments (meat here, veggies there) and goddamn it�I need someone to cut that slit in the plastic� gimme some air� let me breathe� warm me up---and whatever the instructions on my box say, don�t believe it. Watch me like a hawk. Keep taking me out of the microwave and checking my progress. Stir my contents. It�s a fine line between undercooked and RUINED.

So yeah, without the WATER BEING ADDED, or the PROPER HEATING/CHECKING/STIRRING� I�m just the dried/petrified/frozen/un-activated ingredients.

Just lying there, pathetically. Ouch. Sad, really.

Oh geez�..maybe I�m just low on Iron. Or bi-polar (or that other bi thing? Naah.)

Okay� end of THAT. Whatever.

A real update to follow by the end of the day.

xoxo. Thanks for your indulgence.