Cut, cut. - 2007-02-09

No, really... how are YOU? - 2006-10-23

And now, finally: something (ish) - 2006-07-27

What Happened to March and April, eh??? - 2006-04-25

Well hello there, February. - 2006-02-16

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< L DykeWrite3 # >

2003-11-04 - 6:37 p.m.

Hit and Miss.

Pins and needles.

Again (and) Again, thank Y’ALL for your continued WORDS of ENCOURAGEMENT and KINDNESS and many of you for sharing YOUR LIVES with me… the emails and etc’s are MUCH APPRECIATED and read with the thirst of a very thirsty soul. Thanks.

Additionally, it is my hope to ONE DAY be able to start an entry with something other than THANK YOU’s that were LEFT SOAKING in the APOLOGY SINK for too long.

Purely: Thanks again for your patience.

And (I am so guilty of starting sentences with AND… forgive me, won’t you?) I am TELLING YOU ALL that, as previously stated, without the AMAZING STRENGTH of My girlfriend/same-sex partner/lady-lover/meal-ticket/parole-officer I’d be SOUP right now. Not even STEW. I’d definitely be SOUP. Hopefully she won’t grow tired of the rollercoaster that is ME and will continue to enjoy the “weeeeeee” and “ooooooooh” of it all. Also please note: I know I’m a pain in the ass, but THE GOOD TIMES… they do come around, and even stay for awhile, I swear.

Okay, so I’m ATTEMPTING an UPDATE, old-school-style, where I allow myself to ramble on (funny or not) and hope that some or most of you will follow along.

BILL AND SUE (that’s right, you heard me: BILL and SUE).

When I last updated you guys (oh geeeeeez, a long time ago, sorry about that) SUE had just told me that SHE and BILL were SEPARATING and she was BUYING A TOWNHOUSE!

Well, since then I’ve seen SUE come and go busily (as I sat inside the house on the exercise ball that has become my desk chair… literally looking like I’m some sort of bird-like animal trying to hatch something (ohhhhhhhh, the irony of this was SOOOOOO lost on me until this very minute, by the way) and there was SUE… LIVING LIFE!! Believe me, this was a sight for sore(ish) eyes.

Finally, one day last week I ventured out to get the Mail and SUE was just pulling into the driveway that BILL had freshly watered the previous evening… She waved VIGOROUSLY and did a series of hand-signals that were either asking me to “wait there for a minute, she wanted to talk to me” or “steal third if the batter gets 2 strikes”. I decided it was the FIRST THING, since we weren’t playing baseball, so I leafed thru the mail with it’s many BILLS and CREDIT CARD OFFERS and COUPONS for CHEAP PIZZA and OIL CHANGES and the minute or two passed quickly… as if it had only been 45 seconds. I have to admit I became fascinated with the PIZZA COUPON and the NEW TYPES OF PIZZA they are peddling now (why would you NEED to have a pizza that was like a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwhich??)

Anyway…. SUE came darting across the street (if she was one of those VELCRO DARTS, and the whooosh would be more like whoooooooooooooooooosh) and we stood in my driveway and she began her tale. (cue fiddle music here. Wait, make that a fiddle, but with a groovy-funky-soul beat).

SUE had just attended a “Lesbian Speed Dating” Dinner Party at a local restaurant.

She met 60 WOMEN in one night.

She was like a:

(choose your favorite)

a) Rooster in a Hen House (perhaps too obvious)

b) Pig in Shit (NOT the best choice)

c) Charlie, in the chocolate factory (not sure if that’s really one)

d) New Lesbian in a room full of confirmed, single lesbians (maybe the best choice)

I was SO HAPPY for her. We hugged (seriously, we could have been 15 years old, standing at our lockers talking about the Homecoming Dance) and she went on to tell me about the few different women that really “caught her eye” and one woman, in particular, that really (her words) “flipped her switches”. The woman, the switch-flipper, was a

50-something JUDGE. That’s right, you heard me. A woman of the robe. Her name (I swear)…. Judy. Now, of course it wasn’t THAT Judge Judy, but it was SUE’s JUDGE JUDY. They sorta hit it off (as much as you can in a 10 minute session where you’re supposed to be making conversation with the 6 other people at your table) and SUE really felt some switches flying. I also learned about SUE’s aversion to “butchy-type” women… Sue is NOT interested in, say, a Woman who looks like Detective Andy Sipowicz from NYPD Blue. Now, I’m sure there are some women who ARE interested in this type… I’m guessing SUE is not one of them (note: me either). In addition to JUDY, the JUDGE… SUE also met a few women who she thinks will become FRIENDS. NO Flip Switching happened with these ladies, apparently, but I was DELIGHTED that SHE MET WOMEN. 60 of them… all in one night. Right on Sue!

She also told me that BILL has been a REAL SPORT, going shopping with her for furniture, etc for HER NEW TOWNHOUSE. She moves out NEXT WEEK and I swear, eventhough BILL is being a “Real Sport” I still do half expect him to HOLD HER HOSTAGE or DO SOMETHING STUPID right before it’s time for her to move out.

I think ONLY GOOD THOUGHTS (except for the previous one) for both of them and hope the MOVE goes well. SUE is taking THE CATS, as BILL “never really liked them THAT much”(who knew? I thought they were one of his MAIN interests… that eliminates that one interest he might have had… oy)…. And SUE tells me that SHE and BILL will continue to go out to brunch on Sundays, and she’ll still come over and help him with the bills and laundry…. But--- NEXT WEEK… SUE is MOVING INTO HER OWN PLACE. A place where she can have a copy of THE LESBIAN NEWS sitting on her coffee table, where she’ll sit and watch videos of a “young Jacqueline Bissett” and listen to Melissa Etheridge or the Indigo Girls or both… and START HER NEW LIFE.

Meanwhile, we’ll be RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from BILL… and we’ll keep our eye on him and try and get him to limit his “Driveway Watering” and make sure he’s okay, from time to time. I know this whole thing must be DIFFICULT, even UNBELIEVABLE for BILL to be dealing with…. But I also know that SUE “Hung in there” as long as she could… and knowing that she needed to “start this new life” or “end her old one”…. I’m comfortable with the decision she made. Her ENERGY and HAPPINESS radiate from within her 63-year-old self (she looks at least 10 years younger than that).

Okay, so now I’m exhausted, and that’s only THE FIRST ITEM on my list of THINGS TO UPDATE ABOUT… so… I promise…. ALL OF YOU… right after my THERAPY(ISH) Tomorrow Morning… I will be BACK ONLINE and UPDATING the rest of the items…. Oh, wait…that is, unless I get called in for: JURY DUTY.

Okay, I HAVE to mention this. Can you imagine my already ANXIETY-RIDDEN self has been placed ON CALL for JURY DUTY this week? That’s right, you heard me. Apparently it’s my civic duty to make myself available for this, THIS WEEK (according to the very official/intimidating thing that came in the mail a few weeks ago) or face possible prison time or death-by hanging.

SO, I registered… and now, each day at 5pm, I call an automated phone line and find out if I have to REPORT TO THE LA COUNTY COURTHOUSE the next day, for POSSIBLE JURY SELECTION/DUTY. Perfect, right?

Although I am sure that my NEUROSIS will get me excused, I shudder with potential-horror at the thought of actually getting CHOSEN to SERVE on a JURY.

Please… no.

So…if I DON’T have to go in for JURY DUTY tomorrow… then I’ll update.

If I do… and I get chosen to serve on, like THE ROBERT BLAKE MURDER TRIAL or ENRON or MARTHA STEWART or SOME GUY WHO’S SUING STARBUCKS Because He’s been having a MOCCACINO every day for the last 3 years and now his wife can’t get pregnant and they’re sure he’s STERILE because of the MOCCACHINO MIX and he suffered permanent mental turmoil because of it and now she’s divorcing him….then, in THAT case…. I’ll see you in several weeks.

Xoxoxo to ALL OF YOU.

p.s. I just phoned in and found out I HAVE TO REPORT TO JURY SELECTION/DUTY TOMORROW… cross your fingers that they’ll HATE me.

Xoxoxo again.