- 11:43 a.m.
Hey Y’all… I’m back.
(The next sentence that will naturally flow from me will most likely contain an apology regarding my most recent absence. Let’s see if it does):
I’m so sorry, once again, to have been gone for so long. I swear that it is my intention to be THAT “regular-updater-girl”, somebody who tells you that “at 8:47 am they accidentally spilled their coffee when their boss walked by and saw them downloading a QuickTime of THE OLSEN TWINS having a 3-way with some guy from THE REAL WORLD: SAN DIEGO and now they gotta go. Bye.” (Note: that is not a real sex-tape. Don’t search) Then, THAT SAME “regular-updater-girl”, would sign back on at 10:17am to tell her readers that “she just got forwarded an email that’s going around speculating that RONALD REGAN isn’t even inside that COFFIN that everyone is standing in line to take a look at… and can you believe someone would send an email like that? Okay, she’s gotta go un-jam the copy machine for some co-worker lady whose in her forties but buys her clothes at Hot Topic. Can you believe that? Okay, Bye for now”.
HER. THAT “regular-updater-girl”. She is SO loyal with her details and updates that everyone who reads her is kept updated and filled with the details of each event and never has to wonder if maybe she was abducted or has fallen and can’t get up or is sporting-a-shiner or grappling with bi-polar-lite-ness or all of the above or none of the above.
If I were HER,….THAT “regular-updater-girl”, my beloved, loyal, reader-friends wouldn’t have to email and wonder where I was. They wouldn’t have to come-a-knockin’.
If I were THAT regular-updater-girl, the one I mentioned in that BULGING 2nd paragraph, I wouldn’t even be contemplating posting My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Currently-still-sleeping-in-the-bedroom’s EMAIL ADDRESS so y’all could email her and have her KICK MY ASS and GET ME TO UPDATE. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh… and yet, I’m not. I’m SOOOOOOOO not. HER.
Not at all HER. THAT “regular-updater-girl”. Probably never could be. She, (THAT “regular-updater-girl”) is to be admired for her ongoing ability to share and be consistent and I will always be in awe of that consistency, but will most likely never maintain it myself. In case you were wondering, which obviously I was, or I wouldn’t have already filled 3/4 of a page with a rambling apology disguised as a little story. END OF THAT.
So anyway, once again, burying the lead:
FESTIVAL # 3. Last week we were accepted into Film Festival #3. Hoooray!
We’re very HAPPY, and deep, deep in the midst of getting PRESS KITS together and making arrangements and the such. My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Director-of-our-film and I are filled… with….. well, damn it if it isn’t GLEE we’re filled with. Yeah for us.
More Festival updates to follow (when I know, you’ll know).
And now, our weekend, a little something I’m gonna call:
We (My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Needs-a-weekend-away) and I were in the THICK of things at the end of the week when I got a call from my good friend, “RYAN”. She and her girlfriend, “JESSIE” were looking to get outta town for the weekend… needed some R&R, do-nothing time. Sit. Lay. Read a book. Consume beverages. Relax. Do we wanna come along? Here was the slight-glitch: they were thinking of going down to PALM SPRINGS… renting a little house, pool, etc. WELL… we had just been in PALM SPRINGS the weekend before… and we were a little bit OVER PALM SPRINGS. The “SPRING” was all gone from the PALM for us. Not to mention the fact that it was going to be 120 degrees (I may be exaggerating).
So, I hijacked THEIR PLAN and invited THEM to come up to THE MOUNTAINS with us, to My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Needs-a-weekend-away’s PARENTS VACATION HOUSE in LAKE ARROWHEAD. It’s a big, beautiful home tucked away in the mountains, near the lake. Now, THIS… seemed like a good idea.
“RYAN” and “JESSIE” were totally up for it and excited for an adventure. So… we made the plan to leave early Saturday morning (not “paper-route” early, but early enough) and we’d CARAVAN up.
2 hours, a Bathroom and a Starbucks stop later and we were there. “The house is really great and we don’t come up here enough and I want to come here more and get me on a chaise lounge out on the deck right this minute” was all I could think of as soon as we walked in the door. The four of us dropped our bags and headed for the deck.
No, I said Deck. You might have THOUGHT you heard me say something else, but I said DECK.
Wait, let me DIGRESS and ADD that, upon pulling into the sleepy little village of Lake Arrowhead, we stopped at the local little charming grocery store and stocked up on supplies. I imagine that the 4 lezzies walking up and down the aisles of the sleepy little village of Lake Arrowhead’s grocery store throwing food and beverages into their cart happens all the time so NO-BIG. It was probably just me worried that the men were pulling their wives a-little-bit-closer to them as we walked by. Yes. My imagination. Perhaps the 4 of us in the produce aisle SIZING UP CUCUMBERS (for salad!) might have been a-bit over-the-top, but we’ll never know.
When we pulled up to the house, we noticed that the house next door had a BUNCH (no, a SHITLOAD) of stuff out in its front yard. Totally out of place for the neighborhood, which is sleepy and upscale… and Not looking like a garage sale… but more like an EVICTION. But… how? What? The? Hell?
I was DETERMINED to NOT get INVOLVED in ANY drama that doesn’t have MY NAME on it (trying something new) so I minded my own business (uh huh) and walked right into the house (as described 3 paragraphs ago) and was ready to plug my IPOD into anything that would receive it and begin to DO NOTHING AT ALL.
Groceries put away, and the 4 of us are out on the deck with My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Sunscreen-Advocate saying something to me about “….blah, blah… did you put sunscreen on, Babe?…blah…blah”
Me: “Sunscreen? Ha! I don’t need Sunscreen. Feel that crisp breeze? Look at that beautiful, cloudless, blue sky! I’m just going to relax and lay here and get a “little” sun. I don’t need any Sunscreen….blah…blah….blah…” Note: A very similar conversation took place between our friends, with “JESSIE” urging “RYAN” to apply sunscreen as well. “RYAN” is more stubborn than me. Way more. NO SUNSCREEN was applied by either of us, but our MATES were both slathered up. Please retain this information, as it is important for LATER when I describe the SUNBURNS that “RYAN” and I both received.
The four of us plus “JACK”, the dog, LOUNGED, READ, GOSSIPED, CONSUMED BEVERAGES, commented on how relaxing it was, commented on how CUTE “RYAN’s” dog, “JACK” was, just playing with his bone and pacing on the deck (he came along on the trip and was a welcome addition and more-well-behaved than 80% of most American children could have been) etc…. Then “RYAN” asked if anyone heard a “meowing” sound. “RYAN” has super-human/extra-keen senses and nobody else had heard anything. If. Only.
CUT TO: The saga of the ABANDONED KITTEN.
Here’s the back-story- The NEIGHBORS of THE VACATION HOUSE had been forced to sell THEIR house (rumors of drugs, downward spiral, etc) and were waaaaaaaay overdue to move out (the NEW OWNER had arrived the same morning we did and was ready to move in) so THE ENTIRE CONTENTS of the house were outside.
ALL THE BELONGINGS of OLD NEIGHBORS. Let me advise you at this time that we had NEVER MET the old neighbors. I was NOT going to be DRAWN IN to their downward spiral drama or the fact that ALL THEIR BELONGINGS were sitting in front of their recently-sold home. Nope. I was here to RELAX.
Again with the MEOWING. Suddenly, My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal-Ticket/Always-kind-to-animals and “JESSIE” were walking over to “RYAN” and I…. Carrying a tiny KITTEN. Yes, an ABANDONED KITTEN. Being ABANDONED by THE “DOWN-ON-HER-LUCK/DOWNWARD-SPIRALING/SKANKY-ISH NEIGHBOR LADY”.
Now, let me also mention that THE “DOWN-ON-HER-LUCK/DOWNWARD-SPIRALING/SKANKY-ISH NEIGHBOR LADY”. Had pulled up with a U-Haul Moving Truck and a “posse” of questionable “fellas” that I THOUGHT were wearing those joke store/novelty trucker hats with the bad mullet wigs sewn in… except they weren’t. Those were REALLY their hats and hair. And “recently-paroled or escaped” was written all over their beef jerky-stained faces as they slowly loaded “DOWN-ON-HER-LUCK/DOWNWARD-SPIRALING/SKANKY-ISH NEIGHBOR LADY’s belongings into the Truck. And then… they took off. They took off and LEFT lots and lots and lots and lots of STUFF there. Right there in the FRONT YARD. Just as if they THOUGHT they’d rented a storage unit and put all the stuff in it, EXCEPT for the fact that they hadn’t, and it was THE FRONT YARD, not a storage unit.
So, “RYAN” and I find ourselves partnered in an “us against them” way as our LOVERS are rescuing the KITTEN and we are shaking our heads in disbelief as they rocked the little guy (they named him “Gabe”) in their arms, pet, cajoled, pet-some-more and BONDED with THE KITTEN THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND.
I surveyed the belongings left behind, which included: A Tanning Bed, Tiki Torches, A Weather Beaten American Flag, 3 giant ceramic statues of dogs (Labradors, I think), A Bike, Gym Equipment (from the ’80’s) a big toolbox…. You get my point. Lots of stuff.
(PAUSE): ohhhhhhhhhhhhh why can't I just cut to the chase on this entry?? Oy, it's always Feast or Famine with me, isn't it? Sorry about that.
(END OF PAUSE):
So, we watched, we observed, we sorta-became-involved-in-the-drama, our LADIES rescued the KITTEN, we found an “animal rescue group” that would come and pick “Gabe the Kitten” up (and when I say “we”, I mean the girlfriends, not me) and we relaxed and looked at our sunburns (and when I say “our” sunburns I mean “RYAN” and I) and we laughed and winced and smiled and relaxed and took a Short moonlight/star-filled sky-at-night walk among the trees and houses and other dogs without leashes, and had more laughs and deep-cleansing-breaths and good-times.
We needed that. It was swell.
Alright… finally, zillions of words later, I will release you from this temporary prison known as a rambling entry and wish you all a BEAUTIFUL DAY…. And make the same promise I always make: I hope I’ll be back soon with more.
Until. Then. I mean it:
Be good to yourselves.