2005-06-15 - 5:06 p.m.

So, here�s the thing. The THING.
It�s not that I don�t WANT to update, post, share, spill, dish and then spill-some-more, it�s just that� well�uh� sigh�. I can�t seem to BE ABLE TO. (It�s NOT YOU, it�s ME, I swear).

EXACTLY. Emotional Impotence, if you will.
If they had some VIAGRA-LIKE pill I could take (oh, I think they do, but that requires closer examination by a mental health professional, and that is SO not gonna happen.)

So anyway, I just DEAL with the UPS and DOWNS (more of the DOWNS, lately, I�m afraid to admit, yet I will admit it).

So, yes. THERE.

LIFE continues to blow past, grabbing me by the hand, helping me on board, punching my ticket, winning me souvenirs, taking my picture, and kissing me goodnite at the doorstep�. And I float around going ���. Wha? Eh? Huh?,,,,,,�

BUT� each day, I make an effort (or feign the making of an effort) and THAT is the KEY (the �making an effort� part, not the feign-ing part).

And, to top it all off:

That�s right. THURSDAY. JUNE 16th.
Me.
How old?
Exactly.
Indeed.
Wha?
Eh?
Huh?
FORTY-ONE (thanks for asking and OY VEY, by the way)

Last year, we had A WILD, UNBELIEVABLY WACKY and COMPLETELY WONDERFUL Birthday Party, celebrating with 40 of my closest friends.

This year, I�ve been avoiding even �THINKING� about it, and have told EVERYONE that � Naah, no celebration this year�.� And I think I mean it. I guess I mean it. I�ve layed down the law, NO PARTY, NO GATHERING, and now� as the hours creep toward TOMORROW, I do think I meant it. Just not really up to it. SOOOOO� a day of solitude and no celebrating.

Nothing screams HAPPY BIRTHDAY like a day of solitude and no celebrating. GEEEZ, what was I thinking? Oh well. �made my bed/lying in it�.

On the UPDATE FRONT-

We raced down to PALM SPRINGS last week to hang out with LUCKY (you remember �LUCKY� from �LUCKY and THE HOMEWRECKER�, right?). She had rented an INCREDIBLE HOUSE for the week, and was down there (not �down there�, but down there in palm springs) all alone, chilling, laying by the pool, drinking too early, grilling, reading trashy novels, etc�. so we said, WHERE DO WE SIGN UP? And joined her for a brief stay. Too brief, but great. Relaxing, mind-numbing, wonderful. We tried to get her into some trouble, but couldn�t locate any �LESBIAN CALL GIRLS� on such short notice. Next time, I�ll do some research.

In the meantime, �LUCKY� did BREAK-UP with that REALLY-GREAT-GIRL that we REALLY-LIKED (poof! but on good terms, and it�s all good apparently) and has (ahem) already started dating another one. ANOTHER ONE (ahem) that is (ahem) much-younger. That�s right, kids. �LUCKY� is doing just fine. We will meet this MUCH-YOUNGER-WOMAN sometime in the near future (if it looks like its going to last, as �LUCKY� doesn�t want me to meet any of them and get attached unless it�s �going to last�� )

So, a big YIPEE for �LUCKY� and her NEW, MUCH-YOUNGER-WOMAN person.

Okay, that�s a LUCKY update for now�. And I�ll do some FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF �Live Blogging(ish)� tomorrow, so look for a FEW UPDATES if you�re interested in THAT SORT OF THING.

Thanks to ANY/ALL of you that are STILL READING� and, once again, sorry for the ROLLERCOASTER/HIT AND MISS vibe I�ve got going here.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELVES.
And do something NICE for yourselves on THURSDAY,
You know, officially, My BIRTHDAY (whatever).
Xoxoxoxo Me