Cut, cut. - 2007-02-09

No, really... how are YOU? - 2006-10-23

And now, finally: something (ish) - 2006-07-27

What Happened to March and April, eh??? - 2006-04-25

Well hello there, February. - 2006-02-16

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< L DykeWrite3 # >

2005-08-24 - 12:24 p.m.

Hello my dear, kind, patient, wonderful reader-friends. Happy Summer. How’s it going for all of y’all? Yeah, me too. Sorta. Ish.

Delays, delays and more delays. I’ve meant to get back HERE and update, it just hasn’t happened. Forgive me? Oh come on… please? Wow, you’re tough. I mean it. Okay, thanks. (who knew you were so tough?)

A FEW THINGS in the “Shit’s been going down” category, and I’m thinking of sparing you kids from it. We’ll see.

Let me start with a MINI-VACATION(ish) REPORT.

Please refer to the handy graphic I’ve created (pictured above) as we proceed with caution.

“A”. This photo could be captioned: “What the hell ya’ got in all those bags?”
This was the back of our car, loaded up with the luggage for a 4-day trip for 4 women.
4 Women that were FLYING.
4 women who had previously discussed each of us only CARRYING ON our
“whatever can fit in a carry-on bag” BAGS. Yeah. Right. So.
ALL THAT LUGGAGE… 4 Women. You get the picture.

We flew SOUTHWEST (the “first come-first served/casually-dressed/lighthearted flight-attendants who are liberal with their peanut dispersement” airline). No matter how early you arrive… you still might end up seated between “giant sweaty guy with large carry-on stowed under seat” and “unhinged-mother with young, screaming, teething toddler” . NOT this time, because we managed (somehow) to get good seats thanks to our “TEAM NAVIGATOR”, “Carla”, one half of the DYNAMIC DUO OF GIRLS that are our BEST-PALS (her other-half, “Nadine” was the TRIP PLANNER, so we owe the whole damn deal to the both of them.

So....we flew, then arrived “Up North” and boarded a bus to take us (and ALL THAT DAMN LUGGAGE) to the Car Rental area, which, at this particular airport, happened to be miles and miles and miles away…finally arriving at the car rental situation, with ALL THAT DAMN LUGGAGE, a car was assigned, keys were handed over and the FOUR CHICKS were on their way… to where, we weren’t so sure. Well, that’s not true, because "Carla", our TEAM NAVIGATOR, had printed out yahoo maps, map quest maps, and any other available directions to all of our various destinations. We placed "Carla", TEAM NAVIGATOR in the co-pilot seat, next to My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex partner/Lady-Lover/Meal Ticket/TEAM DRIVER. The two of them DROVE and NAVIGATED for the whole trip. Shoutin-out to the both of them for all their inspired work!! Meanwhile, TRIP PLANNER, “Nadine” and I shared the backseat, and many a laugh as we watched our Same-Sex partners work together with the precision of skilled, precise circus performers. It was quite a sight. Lady-Swapping, indeed.

We traveled through cozy towns, shopped in charming boutiques, had makeovers in over-priced cosmetic Shoppe’s (spelling is intentional), snacked, lunched and took it all in, as we were headed to the VACATION HOME of another dear Grrrl/Girl couple in our posse… and we’d heard it was somewhat secluded. Indeed.

After a few hours in the car, we arrived at what can only be described as A PRIVATE FOREST. Hundreds of acres of PRIVATE FOREST. We had to punch in a top-secret series of numbers (“the pass code”) into a security gate/contraption, and were allowed access into THE PRIVATE FOREST. This PRIVATE FOREST consisted of SIX HUNDRED ACRES and contained 6 Houses, spread throughout that SIX HUNDRED ACRES. That’s right. Our sweet little mini-vacation extended-weekend was being spent TRAPPED (oh, I mean… pleasantly secluded) in a house in the middle of A PRIVATE FOREST.

We were greeted by the WELCOME WAGON that consisted of picture “B” shown above. Apparently they are called “Turkey Buzzards”, but at one point we forgot that name and began calling them “Chicken Monkeys”. TRAPPED/SECLUDED in a PRIVATE FOREST filled with all sorts of animals…. Including CHICKEN MONKEYS.

After traveling on a scary, tiny, unpaved “road” carved into this PRIVATE FOREST situation, we arrived at an even tinier, even less unpaved, even scarier, PRIVATER ROAD, deeper in the PRIVATE FOREST, traveled on that (ha) ROAD and arrived at ANOTHER GATE… and finally…. THE VACATION HOME of the other Grrrls.

Wow! Beautiful, amazing, incredible Home…. In the middle of literally NOWHERE.

The view from their home is shown in picture “C” above.

After we chose our rooms (funny story there… well, maybe later) and unpacked, we got a tour of the grounds and began taking in the SECLUDEDNESS of it all. Some were enjoying it… ME….My main concern was that if ANYTHING HAPPENED to ANYBODY… they would have to be AIRLIFTED OUT BY HELICOPTER… and just how long would it take that HELICOPTER to get to us, anyway???? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Additionally, I worried about TICKS. You always hear about TICKS, and how they carve their way into your flesh, set up camp, and have all their mail forwarded there. Right to your inner thigh or upper arm or head. So, every little shifting of anything on my body and I thought for sure it was TICKS. I imagined a horrific SILKWOOD-LIKE SCRUBDOWN where they would try and DE-TICK me but would be unable to do so… and I’d have to be AIRLIFTED OUT BY HELICOPTER… to a special TICK-REMOVAL CLINIC…. And end up horribly scarred (not to mention the fact that I would have had to have been restrained for the flight in the helicopter and I’d maybe develop an allergic reaction to the materials used in the stretchers restraints/straps.

So… yeah. I was busy… worrying.

I worried for the others when they went on hikes. I worried when I watched (from inside) as they frolicked on the land.

And yet--- when I wasn’t worrying, I was enjoying(ish).

People cooked AMAZING MEALS with THE FRESHEST INGREDIENTS IMAGINABLE (milk was lactated on the spot, made into cheese—that sort of thing).

We ventured out into far away (everything was far away) charming little village/towns for even-fresher amazing ingredients and things. Lots of charm and small village/town people and CLEAN, FRESH AIR and CRISP WINDY DAYS…beautiful.

LOVE was in the air, and we had impromptu music-jam sessions using instruments of all kinds (electric guitar, tamborine, spoons, those egg-shaped things with little beads inside, kazoo’s, etc); stories, stories and even-more stories; a hilarious same-sex version of THE NEWLYWED GAME called “Do you know your wife?”…. etc. Loads of GOOD TIMES.

Our HOSTS, the grrrrls with the VACATION HOME in THE PRIVATE FOREST were so gracious… and their young son, who we’ve all watched grow up from tiny little baby boy among ALL THESE LESBIANS is now a YOUNG MAN (ish) of, say NINE or TEN and is bright and funny and athletic and S-M-A-R-T as he could possibly be. He was involved in MOST activities, which was fun but "wore a bit thin" on one or two occassions, I must admit. There. I admitted it. Do I suck for that? I guess I do, but sitting in an incredible hot tub carved into the side of a mountain ALONE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND is much different then sitting in an incredible hot tub carved into the side of a mountain with your girlfriend AND a NINE or TEN year old boy. So, we didn’t. We didn’t sit. We didn’t tub.

BUT… it was all wonderful.

On our last day, on the way BACK to the AIRPORT, we stopped at MUIR WOODS to look at all those BEYOND-OLD, incredible TREES. Huge. Taller-than-tall. Awe-inspiring. And THAT is where picture “D” (shown in montage) comes from The awe. The awe of THAT SKY and THOSE TREES.

The four of us lady-ladies had a wonderful time. We are so CRAZY about our BEST GIRL/GIRL PALS… and it was a great chance to get away… and be together.

Next time, not quite so secluded would do me just fine.

And our gracious hosts called the next day and told us all how much they were already missing us. Damn sweet, eh? They’re just good folks.

We’re pretty BLESSED, I’d say.
Alright… I better get back to THE OTHER WRITING.

Thanks for your continued “hanging in there” with me… and your e-mails and etc are ALWAYS APPRECIATED.

Indeed, I am BLESSED.

Be good to yourselves! More soon….

Xoxoxo ME