2005-03-10 - 8:20 p.m.

Hellooooo all y�all. Just a quick check in, as my days have been CHOCK FULL of FULLNESS (and that�s a �good full�, NOT the kind of full, like �my bladder is full and there�s no rest stop for miles� Full, but more like �I�ve never had this much sex in my life� kind of full, only it�s not sex (or is it?) but it�s WRITING and COLLABORATING and CREATING and I�m just brimming with the GOOD that comes from THAT KIND OF FULL. (okay, and maybe it�s the sex too. We�ll never know, will we?)

Anyway, the one �less than great� goings-on has been the hospitalization of my dear friend �Sally�. Sally is a wonderful, kind, wacky LADY of the LADIES who I hope to write manymany paragraphs about in future installments. TODAY I will tell you about THE WHY and THE HOW of her current hospital stay.

A few years ago �Sally� and her Girlfriend, �Vicki� (oh, she�d hate that alias� not because �Vicki� is a bad name, it�s not, it�s lovely, she�s just SO not a �Vicki�� but anyway) �Sally� and �Vicki� wanted to get pregnant and have a little �sally� or �vicki� (or timmy or bobby) and so �Sally� started taking ALL THOSE TERRIBLE DRUGS you take to confuse your body into producing more of SOMETHING (?) so that it�s easier to get pregnant.

She took the drugs, they bought the OTHER INGREDIENT (hmmm, what was that? Uhhhh.. I think it rhymes with �squirm�) and off they went. Months later, and after many failed attempts and tears and hilarity... SHE GOT PREGNANT! Then, sadly, her body developed some sort of EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS, that overtook her woman-parts and she had a MISCARRIAGE. Sigh�����

Shortly after that, and after many �Fuck you�s� to the EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS and to her Woman-Parts, they adopted. Twins. TWIN GIRLS. Beautiful. Two Girls and Two Grrrls. Perfect.

Now, a few years later, and apparently, those EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS are back. Back and overtaking her Woman-Parts. Those Bastard EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS.

So, she�s in the hospital to have the EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS removed, they went in
(if you will, and by �went� I mean �cut� and by �in� I mean �IN�.) and upon arrival found that the EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS had taken over the joint (and by joint, I mean �VAJOINT�) and in addition to the EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS, they had to also take most of her INTERNAL WOMAN-GIBLETS. Yikes, right?

So, on Tuesday, My Amazing Girlfriend/Same-Sex Partner/Lady-Lover/Meal Ticket/Excellent Driver drove with me to THE HOSPITAL of the STARS and we visited with �Sally�.

She didn�t want people making a big deal about it, so we were referring to her �procedure� as a �manicure/pedicure�.

Upon our arrival, here�s what we saw: (please excuse the crude quality camera phone pic)-

And now, your handy guide to OUR VISIT WITH SALLY:

1) Meet �Sally� as she lies in her hospital bed, somewhat out-of-it, as she�s just had numerous EVIL TUMOR-LIKE THINGS removed, as well as most of her INTERNAL WOMAN-GIBLETS. All that�s left of her is a gown and her right hand.

2) Meet �Sally�s� Antibiotic and self-dispensing MORPHINE drip. That�s right, you heard me. SELF-DISPENSING. Sally was really putting the Mmmmmm in Morphine, and the Ssssssssss in SELF-DISPENSING. Because of this, yesterday was difficult as they tried to �wean� her off of it. She�s now weaned, but looking for ways to self-dispense caffeine immediately upon her arrival back home.

3) See the GET WELL CARD we brought to her.

4) See the tiny flowers we brought. Remember, it was just a �manicure/pedicure�, right?

5) See the tube that leads to some sort of BAG OF BODY FLUIDS that rests at the foot of Sally�s bed. Ick.

6) See a small, stuffed replica of �THE BIG RABBIT in the SKY� Sally�s personal representation of her higher power. That�s right, Sally likes to think of �GOD� as �THE BIG RABBIT in the SKY�. We love her even more for that, right?

So� that�s what we saw� and she�s feeling much better today, and will go home tomorrow and try not to laugh, bend or any other action verb for 2 weeks or so.

AND--- to be FILED UNDER- "Stuff you may not have needed to know about me": I will be �having my monthly� in the next day or so, and I�ve decided to FLOW this month� in honor of SALLY� and her recently departed INTERNAL WOMAN-GIBLETS.
Farewell SALLY'S INTERNAL WOMAN-GIBLETS... we hardly knew ya.

And y�all� you be good to yourselves�
especially YOU, not-as-young, but still so-very-young Rachel in HB. You hear me?

Xoxoxo more soon
ME