- 12:07 p.m.
I was doing my usual "why can't we have the cleaning ladies come EVERY WEEK?" whine while cleaning up for a little party we're having tonight when I realized that the way to eliminate some of the dust and dirt was to try and figure out THE ORIGINS of the dust and dirt.
It was THEN that I realized that a recent addition to the television viewing I do has affected/infected/defected my waking life.
Suddenly I was in the midst of my own episode of:
I had been "SWIFFERING" (not "swifter-ing" as I thought it was, but "Swiffer-ing") everything I could to remove the dust and dirt that had come to rest inside LAKERIDGE since the cleaning ladies were here last Saturday, when I began using the "super-zoom" lens in my minds eye (don't ask, just think of that zoom thing the camera does on CSI) and noticed that a trail of dust/dirt comes directly inside from the backyard.
**AH HA!** I only need NEVER LET ANYONE GO OUT INTO THE BACKYARD, OR COME BACK INSIDE, and THIS dust and dirt source would be eliminated.
Next, when sweeping out the guest bathroom in all it's PINK glory, I noticed (again using that zoom lens in my eyes) that "kitty litter' sometimes spills out onto the beautiful new octagon/hexagon pink & white tiles. **AH HA!** All I need to do is get rid of the Cats! Genius!
When going into the back bathroom, and looking at a series of long, dark hairs I had collected on my swiffer pad from the pristine white tiled floor, I didn't need to send them to the lab for DNA TESTING to realize that they were MINE. **AH HA!** All I need to do is shave my head or always wear a plastic "food-preparers" cap. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner??
Of course when my girlfriend returned from YOGA, I asked her if she'd mind terribly if I had her disrobe in the garage, then allow me to "swiffer" her in a "Silkwood-Scrubdown" way. She knew that she'd left me alone too long. She refused the disrobing (oh sure, NOW she refuses) and the scrubdown (whatever!) and told me it was a beautiful day outside and I needed to sit out in the backyard for a while to air-out my cleaning-agented brain.
I wanted to join her outside, I really did. However, with my new rule about NOT LETTING ANYONE USE THE BACKYARD and COME BACK INSIDE, I was conflicted.
Sitting in my office now, making this entry, I look outside and see my lady lounging in the yard (probably in yoga position # 27, "Lesbian reclining while playing with cats") and I wonder where she and the cats will go when they're done enjoying the outside. I mean, I'll miss them, but surely they don't think they're bringing all that pollen and dust and dirt and sunshine back into this house? Do they?
Hmmm... maybe I'm the one with the problem?